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We Are Dreamers

 How often do we start down a path only to turn around out of fear? How often do we have a dream and then fail to live it? There are so many wasted moments, so many pieces of time that are lost because of fear. There are moments that could be, and moments that will never be, and if we focus on the moments that have passed we might miss all of the moments of our future.
– Brooke Shaden

I have been filled with fear and I’ve been too scared to admit it. I didn’t want everyone to know that I’m stuck and going through some sort of block. But I’ve always been honest about how I feel in the hope that someone will identify with me, and know that we’re not alone.
I’ve been shooting so much and feeling very dissatisfied with the final outcome. Some pictures I even gave up on without even finishing them. I didn’t know why, I didn’t know what was happening to me. Of course I panicked and thought, what if this is it for me?

But now I know I was wrong. Instead of dwelling on shoots that (I think) failed, or how I’m not creating as much as I used to, I’ve decided to slow down. Brooke made me realize that it’s not that I’m not, well.. as good as I used to be, but I’m pushing myself to dream bigger. And that is not something to be ashamed of.  In the past I did a lot of images that were easy, technically. That enabled me to do more work because editing didn’t take much time. I think being in that mindset made me not have the patience I need for the more complicated work I want to do.
I could sit here for hours and come up with a million excuses for why I’m not creating, but that won’t do me any good. I need to remind myself of why I started this in the first place – not to put my name out there or gain likes or followers, but to heal myself, because creating filled me with a sense of joy that I now long for, and I’m determined to get it back. And when I started this journey, and I received all this love and support from my friends, family, and you guys, I realized that that became another reason for me to create. To  bring people together, to let you and everyone else know that we’re not alone, that it’s okay to not be okay.

We Will Be The Hopeful

 

I don’t want to waste any moments in my life. I want to live in love, in hope, in beauty. I don’t want to be filled with worry. I don’t want to be pressured with deadlines or feel like if I don’t create and post work continuously then people would forget about me. If that means falling behind on the 52 week project, then that’s okay. There is time.

 

Dreaming is becoming. Dreaming is building a life around yourself or building yourself into a new life. That life is filled with wonder and awe and unknowns and fears. But the pursuit of a dream is moving past that fear and embracing everything on the other side. We are artists, we are people who want to pursue our passions. But not pursue them, we want to live them. We are people who have bigger dreams than our imaginations can contain. And so we spread those dreams across our cameras or canvas or computer screens and we present them to the world. Why? In the hope that others will get lost in our dream too, in the hope that others will pursue their dreams. So how then do we overcome our fears to free us up to chase our dreams. We realize that the happiness in our lives is worth failing for and feeling fear for, and chasing until we can’t chase it anymore.

10 Comments

  1. I have not much to say about this post, and to top it off, you just finished with a great message of Brooke. The only thing I have to say is that I believe in you, in your strength and your work. I have a fanpage and started 4 months ago and I only have 56 likes and that sometimes make me feel sad and think like you, “This is it my path? Do people do not like?” But then I remember that the most important is I. I do not mind the have few likes or if many people follow me, although I like receiving compliments my work. 😀 But the most important thing is I do what makes me happy and share that my passion and happiness with this community. And with quite naturally, I accept that there are people who like and who does not like. To finish, and I know that you like to hug, so, I leave you a big hug. Have a great week Amani.

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    • Paulo, I can’t tell you how much your support means to me. It’s so wonderful that you believe in yourself and know that the number of likes/followers does not define you as an artist. I admire that. You’re right, we all have doubts sometimes but we also have each other, to remind each other that none of that matters as long as we do what makes us happy.
      BIG hug!!

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  2. exploredexposure

    Hey there beautiful girl,

    I love this and I love the new image. You will laugh when you read the blog I have been working on all day, as it too is about passing though fear, both creatively and physically. Thank you for sharing as it gives me the courage to finish, and post that I too have fear, and I too and a dreamer. I love that you are now dreaming so big that the images are getting harder and harder to make. This, though it may feel otherwise, is how we grow and it is a sign of great things to come. Be kind to yourself in the process. We believe in you and have likes and praise to bestow on the other side of your journey, no fear, we are still here, supporting you and waiting to see what you will create.

    Much Love,
    Janelle

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    • Hi Janelle ❤
      I enjoyed reading your blog post and it's always interesting to see how other people tackle their creative blog. Thank you so much for everything you said, and thank you for being a part of my journey. I cannot wait to see you again.

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  3. You are never alone! I have to break through that exact thing every time I do a new image! The important thing for me is to just keep on creating, regardless of the fear and doubts, because there are just too much of that! I really do appreciate your honesty in this post, very encouraging, and of course, your image is magnificent!

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    • Thank you so much Natascha. It’s good to know that this is something we all struggle with, and that it’s not just me hehe. I’m so glad you persevere and keep creating despite the fear – your art is so beautiful. Sending you a big hug!

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  4. Vinitha

    Hi Amani,

    The last time I touched my camera was during Brooke’s GPP workshop early this year. Least did I know that a few setbacks in my personal life would have me panicking with a creative block. My creative block seemed so strong that I lost the passion to even do paper crafting which usually helped me get out of depression in the past. I am slowly coming out of the imaginary cocoon that I have built around myself. I have been orchestrating my photo shoot these past few days, which I hope would materialize before the end of 2014. Your post along with Brooke’s video really helps 

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    • Hi Vinitha!
      It’s good to hear from you. I’m so sorry you’re going through a rough time, know that you aren’t alone. But I am glad that you’re trying to come out of it, as I’m sure you will succeed. All you need is the courage to take that first step and you did it! Please do keep me posted on your photo shoot, I’d love to see what you come up with 🙂 and I’m really glad this helps. I hope I get to see you at GPP15!

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  5. Thea

    Amani,
    thank you for sharing your story and your emotions.
    I think everyone of us has felt these feelings in one way or another. But I love that you are brave enough to tell the world and get rewarded with love and support from the community that you have built here and on your social media.
    There are people that are so scared, that they (I…) do not even start to post anything out of fear that they (I…) might not be able to follow up and fulfill the expectations that might arise when you start to post… All these “might”s and “maybe”s and “what if”s… I admire that you do not let them turn you down but you take them and turn them into strong and beautiful pieces of art (like your new image above – love it!) and words of honesty that connect you to other people (me)…
    Thank you so much for your inspiration!
    Love and hugs ❤
    Thea

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    • Hey Thea ❤ it's always so good to hear from you.
      Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm really glad you like the image! I really wish there was something I could do to help you conquer that fear. You seem like such a wonderful person and I have a strong feeling that you have so much to share with the world. I'm so delighted to know that you feel like you can connect to the things I say and post ❤ sending you lots and lots of hugs!

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