About a year ago, I wrote down something in my ideas book and completely forgot about it. Now, I can’t remember if it was a journal entry or if it was just something I wrote to inspire a picture. But when I went to the US, I found the perfect location for it and got my friend Autumn to model for me.
“The times I shut you out are the times when I need you the most. When I need you to break down the walls I put up. This facade of tears and heartache that only grows bigger with every self-deprecating thought. Not only did it block me out and ruin every chance I had of finding happiness but it also cast a shadow over my whole world. I am surrounded by darkness. Darkness and walls so high, I can’t see the end of them.”
I often think about how we tend to be almost too protective over our feelings. I know of so many people who have too much pride to admit their feelings, and some are just choosing to ignore them. There are times when it feels like it’s safer to hide because the fear of being so vulnerable can be crippling. I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t do it, but I think I’ve always been the kind of person who “wears their heart on their sleeves”. I like to joke around with a friend of mine and say “I’m all about the feels”. Because it’s true, and I’ve always believed that feelings are extremely powerful. I think that if I didn’t embrace them, the good and the bad, I wouldn’t have been able to create art that I feel so strongly about.
I just feel like life would be so much easier if we were all honest about how we feel. And have it be something that brings us closer, rather than pull us apart.
I also have to mention that working on this image was crazy. I shot this lying on the floor, without a tripod, with a 50mm lens and I was way too close to the subject. I did my biggest frame expansion ever for this image, it’s at 19500 x 19500 pixels right now 😀